Hold Fast to Dreams...

Hold fast to dreams, for when dream die,
Life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go,
Life is a barren field, frozen with snow.
                               - Langston Hughes

I am a dreamer. Always have been. An unapologetic dreamer. In seventh grade Home and Careers, we had the assignment to write where we saw ourselves as adults. Most students eked out a few sentences about having a big truck or working in a beauty salon. I wrote an entire page about being a writer living on the coast of Maine, what type of house I would live in, and even what my house would look like at Christmas. 

I am a dreamer. It's almost a sickness. It is definitely contagious. I often, inadvertently, get other people invested in my dream. And when this dream fails to come to fruition, I am not the only one who is heartbroken. 

I am a dreamer. An invested dreamer. I can see my aspirations so clearly in my mind, it is almost as though they transcend imagination and become memory. Perhaps this is why, when one of them is no longer an option, it is so, so painful. Like a death of some sort. 

I am a dreamer. And I never know when to let go. How do you know when it's time to retire a dream? It's easy if some outside circumstance(s) intervenes and closes the door for you. But how do you know when you have to take a deep breath and close the door yourself? I never seem to know. And I am always scared to do that. Closing the door has such an air of finality attached to it, and resurrecting it seems like an impossibility. 

I am a dreamer. I have held a dream close to me for years and years, and it continues to elude me. Is it foolish to continue to cling to it? It's not completely unrealistic or unattainable. It is a classic case of circumstances calling the shots and me having no control over them. 

I am a dreamer. I know that God directs my path and holds me close to Him. Proverbs 3:5&6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." I don't want to lean on my own understanding. I am just praying and believing that God will show me clearly what I should do and when - or if - I should surrender this dream. 

Truly Sufficient

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."  Psalm 139:9 & 10



Yesterday required us to be truly sufficient. A safety net upon which we had depended, taken for granted even, was suddenly snatched away and we were left scratching our heads and wondering, "What now?" Its removal took one of my dearest dreams and crushed it to dust under its heel. It made the future disappear and put us squarely and completely in the present. 
Yet we trust. I don't say this in a boastful way, but in a peaceful way. Years ago, could I have said the same thing? No. I would have been angry, upset. I would have felt like a victim instead of like someone who lives in this fallen world and will inevitably face challenges. 
Annie, our Bible Study leader and wife of the pastor of our neighborhood church, used an amazing example during Study several months ago. She was relating a story about her eldest daughter and how, as mothers and daughters sometimes do, they will butt heads. Finally, out of frustration, she said, "Know that what I do is because I love you. You don't have to like my decisions. But just trust that I am doing it out of love for you." And that became a catchphrase in their house: "I trust your love." 
I have clung to this and repeated it countless times since I heard it, relating it, as Annie meant us to do, to God. So many times I have just said to Him, "I trust Your love." I will never understand all that God does, all that He brings, all that He allows. I don't have to. I just have to trust His love. And I do. It is as simple as that. 

Just the Beginning...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 
                                                                                                         2 Corinthians 12:9

This verse is the cornerstone of what my husband, Shawn, and I want to cultivate in our home. We know that our beautiful life is ONLY the result of the much more beautiful grace of God, Who blesses us beyond all measure. Though we want our home to be sufficient in practice (more home cooking, more home planting, more home harvesting, more home living), we want it most of all to be sufficient in its dependence on God and His incomprehensible love for us. 

This is only the beginning as we journey through this life with this Grace wrapped around us. There is so, so much more to come.