Epiphanies

Those of you who have read a few of my posts on here probably know that one of my main objectives in life is to sell our house and move somewhere that has some property. I want to homestead and work hard and learn lost skills that I wish Mimi and Bopie (my mom's mom and dad) were still alive to teach me. I am on a constant search for properties, even though our house sits unsold. It is almost an obsession. Almost. If it were not for my praying and desire to be content, it would absolutely be an obsession. 

Well, I was thinking about a new property I found on Craigslist the other day while I was making dinner. It is a trailer on 33 acres of land. About 2/3 of the land is wetlands, with the rest of it remaining as wooded/cleared land. I thought that maybe we could live in the trailer while we built a house on our own, somewhere in one of the small spanses of non-wetland. 

Then, for whatever reason, it hit me. Right while I was looking down at the counter. That was not the place for us. That was not where we would live. We would not live in a trailer or build our own house. God would give us a house, already built. A farmhouse of some kind, with a barn of some sort, and some land. Not tons, not as much as I think I would like, but maybe 5 or 10 acres. Enough. For a moment, I even thought I knew what it would look like, but I still can't be sure. It looked similar to a house we looked at in the past, so I may have just been referencing that in my subconscious. 

Now, today, my dad told me about a place that one of his friends owns. How his friend purposely called him just to talk about Shawn and me buying this house. A farmhouse. With a barn. And a shed. On 10 acres. At a ridiculously low price. 

Old me would be excited. Old me would be planning. Old me would be trying to find a way to get in there, despite the existing tenants, and measure and plan. Old me would be running numbers, blowing up Pinterest, breathing life into this possibility. 

New me won't do it. New me is just praying. New me is shoving it to the back of my subconscious. I pass this house every day. Will I think about it when I pass? Yes. I can't help it. But I will pray that I can leave it there as I continue on toward work. I don't want to invest in a dream that is not right for us. I want what God has, and I don't want anything else. I just don't.